Most of the women that I know are either married or divorced. Those that are married complain about what their husbands don't do; and those that are divorced complain about boy-friends don't do. Most women believe that if he isn't talking its because he's upset about something; and that's not the case.
Men live in the now. Focused on what's happening around them today. As women though, we sometimes have this magical way of thinking that we can fix it all. Some even go as far as to live in the future. I don't get it. Why burn energy on a situation that may or may not happen.
Every time we make these grand plans for the future; we are missing out on the now, the simple pleasures of today. Do you realize that every moment spent in future world takes away from noticing the details that you should be learning about your guy TODAY?
IF YOU CAN'T ASK IT, THEN DON'T THINK IT!! You're cheating him and yourself. It's as though you're harboring secrets; and isn't that one of the common complaints women have. We don't need to take a back seat to men; we simply need to learn to be in the now.
Men need appreciation and we need to be cared for. Here's a good example of what I mean - this past new years eve - spent it with a man that I'm dating. Close to mid-night he jumped into the shower came out got dressed and met me in the balcony. A few minutes later I went to use the bathroom and noticed he didn't wipe down the inside shower glass. Let me tell that's a HUGE no-no in his house. I went towards him; gave him a kiss and said thank you. He was baffled by my words until I told him why. He showed me with that simple gesture that he cares for me and in turn by saying thank you I appreciated what he did (or in this case didn't do).
Ladies this is what I mean by living in the now and paying attention to the details of today.
Channel all your energy in learning about him today - that way when you are actually in the future you'll have a clear picture if he's the one or not.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday, June 13, 2011
Dating as a Boomer
Hi again, sorry its taken me such an enormous amount of time to catch up; but a lot has happened this past year.
So here I am again, getting ready to start with this not so new but interesting topic; Dating as a Boomer. Our ideas of dating have changed over the years; we're no longer looking to play the field, but centered on having an enjoyable conversation on any topic.
Those like me, mid 40's, we have different priorities, either wanting to blend families or start a new one. We're no longer Patricia, or Scott, or Lisa or Harry; we're now someone's soccer parents, and we spend our time walking our kids dogs, juggling homework & after school activities, and lets not forget work and home responsibilities.
What we used to find so irresistible, no longer holds true in most cases. Lets start by defining who we are. For the most part we are middle class, with strong values and character. We no longer take things for granted, in other words we've grown and matured. Our kids ages range from 5 to 15 on average (plus have their own personalities). In some cases there is a non active second parent - which makes the famous "my time" virtually non-existent.
We all want peace and harmony at all levels. Of course this is probably easier said than done. Most boomers are divorced which in itself comes with a few scars and tears. We wish for caring, warm, loving, family oriented (especially if we have kids), supportive, and stable partners. As women we dream of being romanced and dancing under the stars or drinking coffee together and holding hands.
Now I don't have the solution nor the answers; but if we take a step back we'll realize that men and women have similar out looks when it comes to boomer dating; and this might make it easier to find the right one for you.
Be true to yourself and comfortable with who you are. You are independent, interesting and engaging. Do you want someone that is needy and dependent on you all the time? Don't you have enough with your kids or pets? You can only give what you have inside, hence you can only receive what you're giving.
Look to see the negative traits that your past relationships had . This might help figure out what's not working for you and why these aren't going forward. There are a lot of companies out there that for several hundreds if not thousands of dollars will tell you what wrong with you and tell you how to fix it. Do you really need a stranger to do that? Ok, well, maybe some of us do; but for those of us that don't, do it the old fashion way pull out paper & pencil and start writing your list.
So as dating boomer where do you go so not to fall into the serial dating trap? If you've come to a point were you're tired of either going solo, dreading blind dates or paying dating site to not meet anyone; then try something new.
There's a web site called MeetUp.com I'm not advocating that this is the answer for the Boomer dating prayers; but after going through it I realized that there are several groups, that cater to parents just like us and our kids can take part of a couple of the activities.
All you do is type the activity or social group you're interested in, then put in your zip code, hit enter and you're good to go. There are several groups you can choose from.
The most important thing for you to remember, is that its up to you. If you're not happy no one can give you happiness.
Good night :)
So here I am again, getting ready to start with this not so new but interesting topic; Dating as a Boomer. Our ideas of dating have changed over the years; we're no longer looking to play the field, but centered on having an enjoyable conversation on any topic.
Those like me, mid 40's, we have different priorities, either wanting to blend families or start a new one. We're no longer Patricia, or Scott, or Lisa or Harry; we're now someone's soccer parents, and we spend our time walking our kids dogs, juggling homework & after school activities, and lets not forget work and home responsibilities.
What we used to find so irresistible, no longer holds true in most cases. Lets start by defining who we are. For the most part we are middle class, with strong values and character. We no longer take things for granted, in other words we've grown and matured. Our kids ages range from 5 to 15 on average (plus have their own personalities). In some cases there is a non active second parent - which makes the famous "my time" virtually non-existent.
We all want peace and harmony at all levels. Of course this is probably easier said than done. Most boomers are divorced which in itself comes with a few scars and tears. We wish for caring, warm, loving, family oriented (especially if we have kids), supportive, and stable partners. As women we dream of being romanced and dancing under the stars or drinking coffee together and holding hands.
Now I don't have the solution nor the answers; but if we take a step back we'll realize that men and women have similar out looks when it comes to boomer dating; and this might make it easier to find the right one for you.
Be true to yourself and comfortable with who you are. You are independent, interesting and engaging. Do you want someone that is needy and dependent on you all the time? Don't you have enough with your kids or pets? You can only give what you have inside, hence you can only receive what you're giving.
Look to see the negative traits that your past relationships had . This might help figure out what's not working for you and why these aren't going forward. There are a lot of companies out there that for several hundreds if not thousands of dollars will tell you what wrong with you and tell you how to fix it. Do you really need a stranger to do that? Ok, well, maybe some of us do; but for those of us that don't, do it the old fashion way pull out paper & pencil and start writing your list.
So as dating boomer where do you go so not to fall into the serial dating trap? If you've come to a point were you're tired of either going solo, dreading blind dates or paying dating site to not meet anyone; then try something new.
There's a web site called MeetUp.com I'm not advocating that this is the answer for the Boomer dating prayers; but after going through it I realized that there are several groups, that cater to parents just like us and our kids can take part of a couple of the activities.
All you do is type the activity or social group you're interested in, then put in your zip code, hit enter and you're good to go. There are several groups you can choose from.
The most important thing for you to remember, is that its up to you. If you're not happy no one can give you happiness.
Good night :)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Tips and Savings
Hi again
These are tough times; and we need to cut back on a few things here and there (some more than others). The one things that I learned with my newborn was to think out of the box (not just at work).
While making my baby shower list, some one suggested a diaper genie. And I thought why am I going to waste money on this. No baby in the world has bowel movements that would require this machine while at home; think about it. If you're at home and its time to change the diaper, you do it. You clean your bundle of joy dress them up and put them down. Next is getting rid of the dirty diaper. You go to the bathroom, deposit into the toilet what needs to be there and flush. "Oh look no more messy smell", then you take a plastic bag from the supermarket (we all have them, right), you put the dirty diaper inside tie a knot and into the trash.
Do the math people. How much are those bags for the genie vs how much are the plastic bags that hold our groceries. Most of us save them and use them as trash bags anyway so what's the difference.
Now when you go out you can either carry in your diaper bag these plastic bags, or if like me you belong to one of the mega supermarket clubs, such as Costco, you by sandwich bags. They seal fine and once your done changing the diaper, you fold it up and zip it in the baggie.
Another thing that I learned was not to buy the so called special baby water, that the specialty baby stores are so keen on pushing on to us. By yourself a thermos and boil water. By keeping the hot water in the thermos you'll have warm water to mix the baby's formula at all times day & night. When you are almost out you dispose of what might be there (maybe into a plant) and start over. Boil more water and pour into the thermos. You already have the water and the stove in your house, do you really need to spend more on bottled baby water?
So, you'd like to hear more tricks. Well you can carry your thermos in your diaper bag along with baby's formula. Or you can purchase an item called Nursettes. They are a little high in price; however if you purchase them directly from Enfamil you'll receive a case full. So when you go out you can just carry the bottles that you need or want. When baby's done with feeding you throw away the bottles and keep the nipples. Again you can store the nipples in baggies and reuse them.
What do you think about sterilizing - it can be tricky. This is one special trick I learned while my daughter was in NICU (oh yes, you see, I told you in my first blog that I've pretty much done it all). So getting back to sterilizing. In NICU you have these tiny babies that need to be fed warm milk; do you think they have stoves and bottled water etc. Oh NO!!! They have microwaves. I thought this was fantastic. Go to Kmart Walmart what ever store you like and purchase a big microvable plastic bowl. Put water in your new bowl, open the microwave and put it to boil for 10 minutes. That's all you need. Anyone who uses a mircowave knows that everything heats up very quickly and become very very hot.
So now you've now sterilized your baby's bowl. Whats the next step, put your baby bottles, nipples, pacifiers inside with water and put into the microwave for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Once its done, put on a plate some paper towels, and using thongs remove extremely hot items and place them over the plate, then take another paper towel and cover them. This isn't rocket science and inexpensive. You are reusing recycling and reducing your bottom line; which is at the end what we want to do and try to succeed at it.
Now living in So. Florida does have its benefits due to our almost year round sunshine. When you wash your baby's clothes you can use Dreft its a little expensive but it does protect baby's delicate skin & clothes. But when drying why not line dry? We live in an apartment building and although my child is 7yrs to this day I still line dry. The vitamin E absorbed by the cotton fabrics will transfer on to your baby, perhaps not in large quantities but every little drop helps. Remember vitamin E helps protect our bodies from our hot sun.
My thoughts on coupons varies; very few are great deals especially when the household is 2. Plus sometime you're not really saving because in the tax charged at the checkout line will recover your so called savings. My suggestion go shopping with a list and calculator; get to know your prices and options. I'm a firm believer that Target's toilet paper brand is the best bang for your buck as well as Bounty's (pick your size) sold at Target. But remember you need to do your math and see what works for your family size and situation.
Until next time - have a great day!!
These are tough times; and we need to cut back on a few things here and there (some more than others). The one things that I learned with my newborn was to think out of the box (not just at work).
While making my baby shower list, some one suggested a diaper genie. And I thought why am I going to waste money on this. No baby in the world has bowel movements that would require this machine while at home; think about it. If you're at home and its time to change the diaper, you do it. You clean your bundle of joy dress them up and put them down. Next is getting rid of the dirty diaper. You go to the bathroom, deposit into the toilet what needs to be there and flush. "Oh look no more messy smell", then you take a plastic bag from the supermarket (we all have them, right), you put the dirty diaper inside tie a knot and into the trash.
Do the math people. How much are those bags for the genie vs how much are the plastic bags that hold our groceries. Most of us save them and use them as trash bags anyway so what's the difference.
Now when you go out you can either carry in your diaper bag these plastic bags, or if like me you belong to one of the mega supermarket clubs, such as Costco, you by sandwich bags. They seal fine and once your done changing the diaper, you fold it up and zip it in the baggie.
Another thing that I learned was not to buy the so called special baby water, that the specialty baby stores are so keen on pushing on to us. By yourself a thermos and boil water. By keeping the hot water in the thermos you'll have warm water to mix the baby's formula at all times day & night. When you are almost out you dispose of what might be there (maybe into a plant) and start over. Boil more water and pour into the thermos. You already have the water and the stove in your house, do you really need to spend more on bottled baby water?
So, you'd like to hear more tricks. Well you can carry your thermos in your diaper bag along with baby's formula. Or you can purchase an item called Nursettes. They are a little high in price; however if you purchase them directly from Enfamil you'll receive a case full. So when you go out you can just carry the bottles that you need or want. When baby's done with feeding you throw away the bottles and keep the nipples. Again you can store the nipples in baggies and reuse them.
What do you think about sterilizing - it can be tricky. This is one special trick I learned while my daughter was in NICU (oh yes, you see, I told you in my first blog that I've pretty much done it all). So getting back to sterilizing. In NICU you have these tiny babies that need to be fed warm milk; do you think they have stoves and bottled water etc. Oh NO!!! They have microwaves. I thought this was fantastic. Go to Kmart Walmart what ever store you like and purchase a big microvable plastic bowl. Put water in your new bowl, open the microwave and put it to boil for 10 minutes. That's all you need. Anyone who uses a mircowave knows that everything heats up very quickly and become very very hot.
So now you've now sterilized your baby's bowl. Whats the next step, put your baby bottles, nipples, pacifiers inside with water and put into the microwave for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Once its done, put on a plate some paper towels, and using thongs remove extremely hot items and place them over the plate, then take another paper towel and cover them. This isn't rocket science and inexpensive. You are reusing recycling and reducing your bottom line; which is at the end what we want to do and try to succeed at it.
Now living in So. Florida does have its benefits due to our almost year round sunshine. When you wash your baby's clothes you can use Dreft its a little expensive but it does protect baby's delicate skin & clothes. But when drying why not line dry? We live in an apartment building and although my child is 7yrs to this day I still line dry. The vitamin E absorbed by the cotton fabrics will transfer on to your baby, perhaps not in large quantities but every little drop helps. Remember vitamin E helps protect our bodies from our hot sun.
My thoughts on coupons varies; very few are great deals especially when the household is 2. Plus sometime you're not really saving because in the tax charged at the checkout line will recover your so called savings. My suggestion go shopping with a list and calculator; get to know your prices and options. I'm a firm believer that Target's toilet paper brand is the best bang for your buck as well as Bounty's (pick your size) sold at Target. But remember you need to do your math and see what works for your family size and situation.
Until next time - have a great day!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Motherhood
Hello to all - many things have been said about motherhood. However in my opinion the most important one is missing. We should be called Nobel Prize Winners in every category. We heal all wounds, resolve every conflict, invent science experiments, make volcanoes erput (more importantly on the spot).
Being a mom is perhaps the hardest task women can face. Imagine, we're entrusted in raising tomorrow's leaders. We always wonder if the decision we're making today are the smartest for tomorrow. Constantly we second guessing our actions and decisions, this seems to be part of the equation. In our work lives, if we make a mistake we can go back and correct it; or go to board, supervisor, boss and say listen I made a mistake we need to do over. With our children, there are no do overs; therefor we need to try to do it correctly or as best we can from the beginning.
Constantly being criticized by others (and ourselves which is even worse). When we go out with our bundles of joy; there are those staring glares if you reprimand, and if you don't, its even worse. I will admit that I've been very lucky my lil' one was never a restaurant shouter nor did she run wild.
But before motherhood, I used to be one of those that were critical of those that wouldn't discipline their child. I remember thinking "why don't you discipline your kid lady, just give him a push on the tush and they'll stop. However it wasn't until I became a mom that I understood the true importance of that push on the tush at the right time, as well as that perhaps it might not always be the best method to correct an action.
In the beginning I was little embarrassed to discipline my child in public. Then one day it dawned on me, "if I don't then what's her behavior going to be when she's older? Do I want her to be the opening story of the 6pm news? NO!" At that point I realized that parenting was a full time job and didn't end when we left our home, actually that's where it starts. We all want our children to be the best they can; but we have to show them. Don't be afraid to discipline and correct; your child will love, respect and one day perhaps thank you.
A couple of years ago I took a foster parenting class; and the social workers would share stories of stripping parental rights, kids behavior, number of times that children are returned to parents. We'd do mock situations regarding some of these and probably the most important lesson that the child would always want to stick by their side. The bond of mother child is rarely ever broken.
I'd like to share some of the lessons learned and those missed during my years of mothering. Its been an interesting road, from battling cancer previous & during my pregnancy to falling down and rebuilding. I hope you enjoy, learn, share, cry, laugh and perhaps share some of your stories and questions as well.
Being a mom is perhaps the hardest task women can face. Imagine, we're entrusted in raising tomorrow's leaders. We always wonder if the decision we're making today are the smartest for tomorrow. Constantly we second guessing our actions and decisions, this seems to be part of the equation. In our work lives, if we make a mistake we can go back and correct it; or go to board, supervisor, boss and say listen I made a mistake we need to do over. With our children, there are no do overs; therefor we need to try to do it correctly or as best we can from the beginning.
Constantly being criticized by others (and ourselves which is even worse). When we go out with our bundles of joy; there are those staring glares if you reprimand, and if you don't, its even worse. I will admit that I've been very lucky my lil' one was never a restaurant shouter nor did she run wild.
But before motherhood, I used to be one of those that were critical of those that wouldn't discipline their child. I remember thinking "why don't you discipline your kid lady, just give him a push on the tush and they'll stop. However it wasn't until I became a mom that I understood the true importance of that push on the tush at the right time, as well as that perhaps it might not always be the best method to correct an action.
In the beginning I was little embarrassed to discipline my child in public. Then one day it dawned on me, "if I don't then what's her behavior going to be when she's older? Do I want her to be the opening story of the 6pm news? NO!" At that point I realized that parenting was a full time job and didn't end when we left our home, actually that's where it starts. We all want our children to be the best they can; but we have to show them. Don't be afraid to discipline and correct; your child will love, respect and one day perhaps thank you.
A couple of years ago I took a foster parenting class; and the social workers would share stories of stripping parental rights, kids behavior, number of times that children are returned to parents. We'd do mock situations regarding some of these and probably the most important lesson that the child would always want to stick by their side. The bond of mother child is rarely ever broken.
I'd like to share some of the lessons learned and those missed during my years of mothering. Its been an interesting road, from battling cancer previous & during my pregnancy to falling down and rebuilding. I hope you enjoy, learn, share, cry, laugh and perhaps share some of your stories and questions as well.
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